A Tea Party

A couple weeks ago I picked up a ceramic miniature tea set at the thrift store. I was thinking of my daughter, no stereotyping intended; seeing the tiny cups and teapot reminded me of the miniature tea set I had as a child. Every little girl needs a tea set, right?

It hadn’t even occurred to me that my sons would be interested in it…that is, until I discovered my three-year-old trying to rip apart the tape that held the package closed. I was honestly mystified. I had forgotten that the most frequent guest at my own childhood tea parties was my younger brother, who I have no memory of tying to a chair or otherwise forcing him to attend. I was a little worried my son would be too rough and break the dishes, but then I thought, What the heck, it was $3 at the thrift store, it’s not a family heirloom or anything. It was replaceable.

My three-year-old turned out to be a very gracious tea server. He was careful with the tiny cups and saucers, making sure there were enough for everyone. He refilled the tiny tea pot and then refilled our tiny cups, over and over and over. He grinned like the Cheshire cat the whole time, especially when I exclaimed, “What delicious tea!” HIs big brother even got in on the fun. I was so thrilled that they were being nice to each other, so happy that my 8-year-old was playing along and my 3-year-old was joyfully engaged in an activity that didn’t involve throwing mud or pooping in the grass.

When my oldest was this age, we had tea parties too. We drank real tea, and I made little sandwiches, and sometimes cookies, and I realize now that’s probably why I didn’t do it very often. It was too much of a production. However there’s practically no effort at all involved in letting your little one refill your little cup with water, over and over, except for maybe making sure the dishes are clean and keeping a towel handy. It just never occurred to me that boys would want a tea set! I feel a little ashamed of myself in retrospect. What the heck happened to all my aspirations to avoid sexism?

I assumed my daughter would want a tea set, and why not, considering she will apparently grow up attending frequent tea parties herself. But obviously a tea set is equally charming to a boy. The little tea pot is adorable. It’s delightful to have a tiny, one-sip teacup. It’s endlessly fun for small children to pour from one container to another. It has great potential to be a quiet activity (but, since the bulk of my parenting experience relates to very energetic boys, I can imagine all the ways a tea party might turn violent). And, although I have objections to the idea of a tea party as an opportunity for little girls to learn manners – what the heck is fun about that? – I remembered what it really is that’s fun about tea parties. It’s all about the exaggerated, extremely proper manners – the extended pinky finger, the faux British accent, the gloves and pearl necklace I wore to probably every tea party I threw as a child. And those extremely proper manners were absolutely fun and awesome to get silly with – then and now.

They might need reminding (still!) to say “please” and “thank you” at the dinner table, and they might spend a good part of some days at each other’s throats…but our little ceramic tea set turned them into charming little gentlemen. If even a little of their tea party politeness and good cheer carry over into our other activities, I will be one happy Queen Mother.